The day I thought would never come...

Tomorrow (technically today according to the clock on my computer), my husband graduates from is Emergency Medicine Residency. I am so proud of him and this little post won't do my feelings justice, but here's my feeble attempt.

John and I met in medical school. He started a year after me and I was his "Big Sis", serving as a mentor and giving him my test files (no wonder he liked me so much!). Tests and classroom based learning came easy to me...clinical years with direct patient care experience not so much. He was the opposite doing well the first two years but coming into his own the last two years of clinicals. Even before I knew I liked him more than a friend, and certainly before I knew I would marry him, I admired him. I admired his positive attitude, his outgoing personality (even though I am painfully shy), his very close relationship with his family, his sense of humor, his sense of respect, kindness and chivalry. He performed "acts of kindness" for friends and strangers alike on a daily basis. I know many people who don't know him think he does these things for "show" but they are sorely mistaken. My husband is THE most genuine person I know....period!

When I made the difficult decision to leave my residency, his support is the reason I came out the end of the tunnel and was eventually able to see the light again. For someone who loved so much, what I did not, it amazes me to this day that he could empathize and support me as much as he did and as much as he still does to this day.

His decision to come back to Michigan for his residency was good for both of us, especially since we would be closer to both of our families. We both knew what we were "in for" but it hasn't made the last 4 years any easier. We are blessed in so many ways, but it seems like many people think becoming a doctor is some sort of glamorous journey. I assure you, it is not. The exhaustion, the hours, the stress, the politics, the lawsuits, the debt...often outweigh the few patients who actually seem to appreciate what you are trying to do for them. Even with the money that comes after residency....I would trade it in a heartbeat for a few more hours a day or a week with my husband, who, despite where he may want to be, often has no choice.

During his 3rd year, he randomly announced to me one day that he even if he were "elected" he would not accept the role of Chief Resident his 4th year. I smiled and laughed and said, "GREAT!" knowing full well what would happen.

Shockingly, his fellow residents selected him as Chief Resident and he did not decline. If you don't know my husband, he has to blow status quo out of the water with anything he does and this was no exception. I am proud of all of his efforts and all that he has done for his residency. He has received several honors to recognize his efforts...and he fully deserves them. He has also dealt with a lot of grief despite his efforts, which he does not deserve...it's my blog, I can say it! My husband has picked up other people's slack without them knowing often times and without complaining publicly. That's the way he is....doing what has to be done for the greater good. I suppose it is a good thing those individuals don't interact with me on a daily basis, because his good intentions in many cases, have taken away from time with me...and I don't take to that lightly...GRRRRR!

Despite all of his responsibilities and his extra curricular activities, no matter how exhausted he is when he comes home, he always gives me and our son his all. If it were me, I would flop down on the couch and tune out the world, but not John.

It seemed like graduation would never come. I mentally had to tell myself it wouldn't come so I could handle the tasks at hand and stay afloat. Even though he still has shifts until the end of the month, I can't believe the day is here.

I worry about him. I worry because despite his efforts and how he has taken advantage of every learning opportunity possible...the change from resident (under someone else's watch) one day to attending (everything on your shoulders) the next must be a scary one. I couldn't do it. I hope he knows he is not alone in his feelings and I hope that if he can't share them with me, he will find someone who better understands.

He will get sued despite his best efforts, people will die on his watch despite his best efforts...we will love him forever, no matter what!

John, I am so proud of what you have accomplished and what you will accomplish in the future. I am most proud,however, of the person that you are and the fact that I get to call you my husband and best friend! I LOVE YOU!